I don’t wanna play!

We made it to Connor’s first two games without any problems. He was 3 and playing on a YMCA team.

Connor and his teammates had fun picking dandelions and hunting for four-leaf clovers. They had fun piling into the goal on top of each other and taking frequent water breaks. They liked the white cone-shaped cups, too. Post-game snack time became a chance to sugar-up and run around even more.

But today is that day. The day Connor realized he would rather watch TV. He pitched the mother of all fits. I wondered if I would need to wear shin guards to get him dressed and strapped into the car seat. 

“I don’t wanna play soccer!!!” He wailed over and over on the drive to the field. The screaming is interspersed with seat-kicking and crying.

I wish I could say this only happened one time. More than once, Doug said, “If every Saturday is gonna be like this, I don’t want to do it next season.”

Saturdays were soccer days from the time Connor was 3 until now. The times changed, but the routine was the same: get up, get breakfast, get ready and go. Once we got to the field, it was the same, too: find team, gather team, group warm up, skills drill and game. But 3-year-old children don’t play soccer. They just play. And sometimes they play the way their parents want them to play.

But, by some miracle, by the first water break, Connor was having fun. He was smiling and laughing. He and his teammates would be running around the field in circles, chasing each other. They weren’t playing soccer, but they were laughing and we were, too.

After the water break, the parent/volunteer coach got the team back on the field, where they would learn how to kick and work on passing the ball to each other. The coach had the kids building teamwork and skills while they were still having fun. The games were organized chaos. But their laughter and enjoyment certainly were contagious.

Once Connor remembered how much fun he had with his team, getting him ready to go was much easier.  And this holds true today: He remembers the fun he has with his team and that is what motivates him.

If your older player doesn’t “wanna go” to practice or games, what do you do? Here’s what’s worked for us:

• Remind them how much fun they have with their friends
• Tell them they’ll see their friends and team
• Talk about the commitment they made to their team
• Talk about what they (not you) like about soccer and about a positive experience they have had (a goal, a save, an assist)
• Ask them why they don’t want to go – and talk about it

Are they really into the sport – or are you more invested than they are?

And, be willing to let it go. If everybody’s having a day, skip the practice. One lost practice is not the end of the world.

We learned that “I don’t wanna” doesn’t mean forever. It just means at that moment.